Cheetah Velour

The kids these days and their gorilla snot!

Have you seen Moco de Gorila in your local store? If you are in need of some hair gel, make sure you ask for it by name!

Accept no substitutes! Only genuine gorilla snot will do when you need that faux hawk to stand up straight.

Just as long as it's GROOVY!

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon, so what better time to check out one of the local thrift stores? Come with me but read the signs first so you don't get in any trouble, ok?

ALL THE TIME?!? Dang it, I don't have any kids. What about MY safety? Doesn't anyone care about MY needs? Good thing this store was closed. I just went to the one next door instead. They don't seem to care about drinks, kids, OR safety.

I always have to check out the record bins when I go to the thrift store. I have a hard time believing anyone would want to get rid of these gems:

Why does this make me think of CORNHOLIO?

There are no words for this, so insert your own caption here: _________________.

Not even by the original artists. By "Hits Machine Unlimited" whoever that is. What a rip-off!

Recorded in Europe for your relaxation enjoyment.

Yes, it's called "Fixin Our Eyes On Jesus" and no, I don't understand this cover. This guy reminds me of Slim Goodbody. That is, if Slim Goodbody had skin.

It's the "NUTTIEST" thing alive...it's the TOPS IN "POPS" FOR KIDDIES!!

That last album makes me wish I actually owned a record player.

Of course, the thrifts are also a great place to pick up home decor deals. You might find an 80's Nagel right next to a religious paint-by-number. Why not buy both, or in my case buy neither?

Maybe clowns are more your style, but who am I to judge?

Next time I'll show you what I actually did buy.

I love ebay. I really, really do.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-WAX-MUSEUM-HEAD-WALT-DISNEY-Mannequin-SO-REAL_W0QQitemZ290206247698QQihZ019QQcategoryZ13878QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

In the spirit of June and Sandy, I wanted to share some of my Christmas crafts with you. Nothing says Happy Holidays like MAGAZINE TREES ! I made these while I was at work and yes, we actually used them as table centerpieces at our party. Mmmm, gold spray paint, glitter and sparkly pom poms- FESTIVE!

I used to make these out of phone books when I was growing up in the 70's. Now you can get the directions on the Reader's Digest website and start making your own holiday eyesore festive centerpiece. You still have plenty of time to make at least one before the big day. These ones were made from National Geographic (large) and Ellery Queen (small). I know you have some Ellery Queen stashed away somewhere, so no excuses.

What would kitschy crafters do without felt? You can make anything out of felt! Why, you could even take some leftover felt scraps & whip up some snazzy gift card envelopes for those hard-to-shop-for-types on your list. I hope nobody in my family is reading this. Somebody is getting "the gift of Oakland A's Baseball". Shhh! Don't tell!

If these ideas aren't enough for you, I highly recommend checking out the glamorous holiday craftstravaganza over at Kitschy Kitschy Coo! Thirteen Kitschy Christmas Crafty Things you simply cannot live without. This tin foil snowman is one of my faves:

I don't want to ruin the fun, but there is also something involving a can of hairspray. If you are a ladyfriend of mine, you may be getting one next year. That's all I'm going to say about that!

Get craftin' people!

This one is especially for eniksleestack over at Thrift Store Adventures. This blog after my own heart recently featured some cringe-worthy (and by cringe-worthy I mean totally covetable) thrift store kitchenware.

I always make sure to hit the kitchenware section at a thrift store. Sure, there are always way too many single wine glasses from some art 'n' wine festival you didn't actually attend & way too many oversized plastic soda cups from mini-marts. You have to look closer to find the really good stuff.

I can't recall where or when I acquired him (yes, it's a him) but I've had this little ceramic garlic container for years. He has such a sourpuss face that I immediately dubbed him ED ASNER and refuse to call him anything else.

I dunno, what do you think?

If you should ever find yourself near Sparks, Nevada you simply MUST stop in at Sierra Sid's Casino. It is also a truck stop so if you happen to be a gamblin', Elvis lovin' trucker in need of a tasty snack or a shower then this is the place for you.

Drum roll, please! I present to you THE GUNS AND JEWELS OF ELVIS!

I know, it sounds too fabulous to be true but I assure you it is not. I have seen it with my own eyes. Here's a picture of the display case right near the entrance to the Trucker's Grill and yes, those are booze bottles shaped like Elvis. Do you see the white bust of Elvis near the center of the picture? I am darned proud to tell you that I own one just like it. It used to hold bourbon but when I bought mine at the flea market for five bucks it was empty. Darn.

By the way, the cheeseburger and fries plate at the Trucker's Grill is especially tasty. We at Cheetah Velour highly recommend it. Elvis would have wanted it that way.

Now I told you there would be guns and jewels and I wasn't lying. Here is one of the guns. I heard a rumor that Sierra Sid's has one of the guns that Elvis used to shoot a TV, as he so often did when he didn't like what was on. I couldn't find anyone to confirm or deny this rumor so let's assume that it's true.

Here are the jewels. I've heard that money can't buy taste. Oh, I don't know about that. Nothing says 'good taste' like bling big enough to choke a horse.

I know it's not a great picture, but hopefully you get the idea. This is the result of a cheap disposable camera being used by an amateur (me). In case you aren't able to read the signs, most of this stuff looks like it was owned by Daddy Vernon. Among the jewels of Elvis we see 14K GOLD PEN VERNON USED 'TILL HIS DEATH, TIGER EYE ELVIS RING AFTER HIS DEATH VERNON HAD THE RING SIZED SMALLER, and my very favorite ELVIS HAD PET NAMES FOR HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS HIS PET NAME FOR DADDY WAS SLOT MACHINE. Yes, a gold ID bracelet engraved SLOT MACHINE.

(Sierra Sid's also has some of the guns of John Wayne if seeing the guns of Elvis isn't enough for you.)

I admit it, I love celebrity-endorsed products. I'm not talking about the good kind, like A-lister Nicole Kidman for Chanel. I'm talking about the other kind. The kind that makes you say, "What the heck were they thinking?" or "They must really need the money".

I spotted this in the local Safeway, right above the cheap beer. When you think of Jeff Foxworthy, do you think of teriyaki jerky? I know I will from now on!

Who can forget my other favorites- Tommy Lasorda's "It's not sorta good, it's Lasorda good!" Popcorn or George Jones Dog Food? Have you seen Dwight Yoakam's line of frozen food?

I know someone who actually met Smokey "The soul is in the bowl" Robinson when he was at a local Pak 'n' Save promoting his frozen gumbo.

Those are the kind of celebrity-endorsed products I really love. I'm not saying I would actually eat any of that stuff. How about you? Do you have a favorite?

ps- I also adore bad celebrities on informercials. Do not get me started.

I spotted this amazing piece of original art over at Thrift Town. Sorry for the picture quality, but I assure you it's even better (worse?) in person! It was a little on the pricey side so I passed it up. The image of the sad kitty still haunts me though, so I may have to go back next time there's a sale and see if it's still there. If it's been snapped up by a sad kitty collector, I'm sure I'll find something just as tasteful. If you are not currently signed up as a Thrift Town VIP, you might want to think about it. So many classy items to choose from!

Maybe I don't actually need this. Sometimes the fond memories are enough.

They just don't make 'em like they used to. THANK GOODNESS!

I must confess that I am a sucker for packaging. If something is packaged in a modern, eye catching, clever way, well that's one thing. But what about packaging that is just plain old-fangled and uninviting? Packaging so bad it's good? Who loves that? I know I do!

I found this in a Rite-Aid in Reno. I wonder why nobody was buying it?

I mean, who can resist this trustworthy (and not at all evil) face? Li'l Jenny would never do anything to hurt you, right?

In case you're wondering, no I didn't buy it or eat any. I wasn't feeling particularly brave that day. It sure didn't stop me from taking a picture, though.

I love music, any kind of music

Just as long as it's GROOVY!

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon, so what better time to check out one of the local thrift stores? Come with me but read the signs first so you don't get in any trouble, ok?

ALL THE TIME?!? Dang it, I don't have any kids. What about MY safety? Doesn't anyone care about MY needs? Good thing this store was closed. I just went to the one next door instead. They don't seem to care about drinks, kids, OR safety.

I always have to check out the record bins when I go to the thrift store. I have a hard time believing anyone would want to get rid of these gems:

Why does this make me think of CORNHOLIO?

There are no words for this, so insert your own caption here: _________________.

Not even by the original artists. By "Hits Machine Unlimited" whoever that is. What a rip-off!

Recorded in Europe for your relaxation enjoyment.

Yes, it's called "Fixin Our Eyes On Jesus" and no, I don't understand this cover. This guy reminds me of Slim Goodbody. That is, if Slim Goodbody had skin.

It's the "NUTTIEST" thing alive...it's the TOPS IN "POPS" FOR KIDDIES!!

That last album makes me wish I actually owned a record player.

Of course, the thrifts are also a great place to pick up home decor deals. You might find an 80's Nagel right next to a religious paint-by-number. Why not buy both, or in my case buy neither?

Maybe clowns are more your style, but who am I to judge?

Next time I'll show you what I actually did buy.

Bring me the head of Walt Disney!

I love ebay. I really, really do.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-WAX-MUSEUM-HEAD-WALT-DISNEY-Mannequin-SO-REAL_W0QQitemZ290206247698QQihZ019QQcategoryZ13878QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Kitschmas Krafts!

In the spirit of June and Sandy, I wanted to share some of my Christmas crafts with you. Nothing says Happy Holidays like MAGAZINE TREES ! I made these while I was at work and yes, we actually used them as table centerpieces at our party. Mmmm, gold spray paint, glitter and sparkly pom poms- FESTIVE!

I used to make these out of phone books when I was growing up in the 70's. Now you can get the directions on the Reader's Digest website and start making your own holiday eyesore festive centerpiece. You still have plenty of time to make at least one before the big day. These ones were made from National Geographic (large) and Ellery Queen (small). I know you have some Ellery Queen stashed away somewhere, so no excuses.

What would kitschy crafters do without felt? You can make anything out of felt! Why, you could even take some leftover felt scraps & whip up some snazzy gift card envelopes for those hard-to-shop-for-types on your list. I hope nobody in my family is reading this. Somebody is getting "the gift of Oakland A's Baseball". Shhh! Don't tell!

If these ideas aren't enough for you, I highly recommend checking out the glamorous holiday craftstravaganza over at Kitschy Kitschy Coo! Thirteen Kitschy Christmas Crafty Things you simply cannot live without. This tin foil snowman is one of my faves:

I don't want to ruin the fun, but there is also something involving a can of hairspray. If you are a ladyfriend of mine, you may be getting one next year. That's all I'm going to say about that!

Get craftin' people!

Mr. Grant!

This one is especially for eniksleestack over at Thrift Store Adventures. This blog after my own heart recently featured some cringe-worthy (and by cringe-worthy I mean totally covetable) thrift store kitchenware.

I always make sure to hit the kitchenware section at a thrift store. Sure, there are always way too many single wine glasses from some art 'n' wine festival you didn't actually attend & way too many oversized plastic soda cups from mini-marts. You have to look closer to find the really good stuff.

I can't recall where or when I acquired him (yes, it's a him) but I've had this little ceramic garlic container for years. He has such a sourpuss face that I immediately dubbed him ED ASNER and refuse to call him anything else.

I dunno, what do you think?

Elvis IS everywhere!

If you should ever find yourself near Sparks, Nevada you simply MUST stop in at Sierra Sid's Casino. It is also a truck stop so if you happen to be a gamblin', Elvis lovin' trucker in need of a tasty snack or a shower then this is the place for you.

Drum roll, please! I present to you THE GUNS AND JEWELS OF ELVIS!

I know, it sounds too fabulous to be true but I assure you it is not. I have seen it with my own eyes. Here's a picture of the display case right near the entrance to the Trucker's Grill and yes, those are booze bottles shaped like Elvis. Do you see the white bust of Elvis near the center of the picture? I am darned proud to tell you that I own one just like it. It used to hold bourbon but when I bought mine at the flea market for five bucks it was empty. Darn.

By the way, the cheeseburger and fries plate at the Trucker's Grill is especially tasty. We at Cheetah Velour highly recommend it. Elvis would have wanted it that way.

Now I told you there would be guns and jewels and I wasn't lying. Here is one of the guns. I heard a rumor that Sierra Sid's has one of the guns that Elvis used to shoot a TV, as he so often did when he didn't like what was on. I couldn't find anyone to confirm or deny this rumor so let's assume that it's true.

Here are the jewels. I've heard that money can't buy taste. Oh, I don't know about that. Nothing says 'good taste' like bling big enough to choke a horse.

I know it's not a great picture, but hopefully you get the idea. This is the result of a cheap disposable camera being used by an amateur (me). In case you aren't able to read the signs, most of this stuff looks like it was owned by Daddy Vernon. Among the jewels of Elvis we see 14K GOLD PEN VERNON USED 'TILL HIS DEATH, TIGER EYE ELVIS RING AFTER HIS DEATH VERNON HAD THE RING SIZED SMALLER, and my very favorite ELVIS HAD PET NAMES FOR HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS HIS PET NAME FOR DADDY WAS SLOT MACHINE. Yes, a gold ID bracelet engraved SLOT MACHINE.

(Sierra Sid's also has some of the guns of John Wayne if seeing the guns of Elvis isn't enough for you.)

You might be a ...oh, never mind.

I admit it, I love celebrity-endorsed products. I'm not talking about the good kind, like A-lister Nicole Kidman for Chanel. I'm talking about the other kind. The kind that makes you say, "What the heck were they thinking?" or "They must really need the money".

I spotted this in the local Safeway, right above the cheap beer. When you think of Jeff Foxworthy, do you think of teriyaki jerky? I know I will from now on!

Who can forget my other favorites- Tommy Lasorda's "It's not sorta good, it's Lasorda good!" Popcorn or George Jones Dog Food? Have you seen Dwight Yoakam's line of frozen food?

I know someone who actually met Smokey "The soul is in the bowl" Robinson when he was at a local Pak 'n' Save promoting his frozen gumbo.

Those are the kind of celebrity-endorsed products I really love. I'm not saying I would actually eat any of that stuff. How about you? Do you have a favorite?

ps- I also adore bad celebrities on informercials. Do not get me started.

Go cry, emo kid

I spotted this amazing piece of original art over at Thrift Town. Sorry for the picture quality, but I assure you it's even better (worse?) in person! It was a little on the pricey side so I passed it up. The image of the sad kitty still haunts me though, so I may have to go back next time there's a sale and see if it's still there. If it's been snapped up by a sad kitty collector, I'm sure I'll find something just as tasteful. If you are not currently signed up as a Thrift Town VIP, you might want to think about it. So many classy items to choose from!

Maybe I don't actually need this. Sometimes the fond memories are enough.

Femininity just seems to bring a crowd to my vicinity

They just don't make 'em like they used to. THANK GOODNESS!

My confession

I must confess that I am a sucker for packaging. If something is packaged in a modern, eye catching, clever way, well that's one thing. But what about packaging that is just plain old-fangled and uninviting? Packaging so bad it's good? Who loves that? I know I do!

I found this in a Rite-Aid in Reno. I wonder why nobody was buying it?

I mean, who can resist this trustworthy (and not at all evil) face? Li'l Jenny would never do anything to hurt you, right?

In case you're wondering, no I didn't buy it or eat any. I wasn't feeling particularly brave that day. It sure didn't stop me from taking a picture, though.